Sunday, 19 May 2013

Shakira wins the Eurovision Song Contest

Well, no, she didn't, really, but the Danish winner had pretty much copied everything possible from Shakira.

I like Shakira (as in, the real thing), but I'm disgusted to see some mini copy win the ESC, when there would have been much better original songs, performed by people who weren't copying anyone else.

It was said that the Danes have been selling tickets to ESC 2014, even before the ESC 2013 final - and it wouldn't surprise me if that wasn't even a joke..

So, results;

1. Denmark ... catchy song, but didn't deserve to win, being a copy..
2. Azerbaijan ... this boring song should have been one of the last..
3. Ukraine ... seems the anal bleaching was worth it, but not quite enough..
4. Norway ... definitely not this good, either..
5. Russia ... decent ballad, but not nearly this good..
6. Greece ... didn't really deserve higher than 10th spot, or such..
7. Italy ... the amount of complete boredom, in the top 10..
8. Malta ... the first song that actually deserved to be in the top 10!
9. The Netherlands ... one of my favourites, who actually got two of my votes..
10. Hungary ... pleasant surprise that they scored this high.. one vote from me, too..
11. Moldova ... seriously? one of those that shouldn't have made it to the final, even..
12. Belgium ... there's something very wrong with the "voting" system..
13. Romania ... Cezar got like 10+ votes from me..
14. Sweden ... maybe their target audience went to bed already..
15. Georgia ... this should have been the second last song.. utter shyte..
16. Belarus ... this should have been the last.. animal cruelty and a shyte song..
17. Iceland ... should have been in the top 10 - or top 5, even..
18. Armenia ... not sure how this made it to the final..
19. UK ... very rough performance.. should have scored even lower..
20. Estonia ... deserved more points..
21. Germany ... not the best of Cascada, but better than this spot..
22. Lithuania ... puhleeeze.. well, I guess this spot is about right..
23. France ... definitely better than this!
24. Finland ... not a great song, but one of the best shows - deserved better than this..
25. Spain ... not a great performance, but still better than this..
26. Ireland ... I'm totally insulted on Ryan's behalf! Europe - fuck off..

How it should have been;

1. Ireland ... great song, great performance, dishy drummer-dancers..
2. Romania ... fantastic Cezar..
3. The Netherlands ... lovely original song with Anouk's beautiful dark voice..
4. Hungary ... interesting and hypnotic..
5. Iceland ... beautiful ballad, strong performance..
6. Malta ... the song that brings the summer..
7. Finland ... for the fun factor..
8. France ... for the pr0n factor..
9. Germany ... for good background music that's not annoying..
10. Estonia ... very nice, but maybe not interesting enough..
11. Greece ... it's fun, but get annoying too soon..
12. Spain ... it took too long to get going, and final performance was lame..
13. Sweden ... boy band style pop product..
14. Denmark ... Shakira copy..
15. Norway ... gets very boring after 2-3 times..
16. Russia ... OK, but kinda boring as well..
17. Armenia ... done so many times..
18. Azerbaijan ... would have scored lower, but got eye candy points..
19. Italy ... just boring..
20. Belgium ... the worst dancers in the ESC history..
21. Lithuania ... yawn..
22. Moldova ... nothing but Futurama..
23. Ukraine ... syrupy shyte..
24. UK ... would have scored a bit higher, but sounded so rough in the final..
25. Georgia ... toilet break material..
26. Belarus ... just crap..

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